Slowly coming along. I started to get pretty overwhelmed and I simply shut down when this happens. I took a step back and decided to take it one room at a time.
Bathroom's almost done. I need to replace/order a couple things and then fin. I started in the WC because it's the easiest. Everything else is just filled with shit. Clutter and useless objects fucking everywhere. I sat down in the middle of the floor and just meditated a bit. How much crap (and what kind of crap) you accumulate has got to be a in direct relation to your mental stability. I hold on to meaningless shit (sometimes even safety pins!) and can't let go of certain relationships. Some people compulsively collect pieces or things to compensate for what they lack in personality. Extreme clutter seems to be the norm for people a little lost in life, while extreme house hold perfection seems a parallel to people afraid they are losing themselves, or control. I feel I can relate to both situations depending on where I'm at emotionally. This is all really "duh" stuff but it inspired me to let it all go. How long can you spend spend spend and obsess over THINGS before you have to take a look at your decision making paradigm? When I step on that plane is it really going to matter if my apartment was exactly how I want it? Nope. If anything it will just hurt more.
So for now I've been looking at forts and havens, and sanctuaries. Places to learn, and reflect, and let go. Lots of whites and creams and drapery. The trees are all blossoming and my backyard is filled with pinks and greens and blues. I don't need rods and shit. I've been thumb tacking lace tablecloths over my windows and every morning I wake to silence. Not the eerie kind. The spring morning, soft-light, peaceful kind. I am giving up going for any look. I'm going to pull it right out of my heart and build my sanctuary right in my apartment.
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