I pay my own bills. I show up to my job day after day. I clean my apartment. I attempt to cook. I sleep with my fiancee. I lick my own wounds and nurture the ones who need to be nurtured. But today I felt like a small child. And she held my hand. With my eyes wide and dewy and my heart aflutter, I clumsily walked into the sterile halls. I pushed forward wanting to turn around. Wanting the comfort of my never ending childhood. Yearning for the stagnant pool of my stationary life. What if.... what if I fail? After signing up I felt nothing but excitement. I will be a student again. I will learn. I will tenderly inch forward to making something of myself. ANYTHING of myself. Breathe.
Today was much different then yesterday, weather wise. But occasionally I like the shallow greys and creeping streams of sunlight. I like a good chill to keep my head up and my muscles tight. Perfect for a reminiscent drive through eucalyptus and tumbling grassy hills. My grandmother swirled through me. Through her camera, her ring, her life now past. I will not waste away in suburbia. Central air. Central heat.
But this is all too personal for a public blog...Today was a stir of emotions remembered and predicted and that is all. I love having someone else to play dress up with. The Conk kindly agreed to act as muse for one day. She's photogenic and has this edgy look that's easily softened by her smile. I kiss my fingers and say hail to Ukrainian ladies!
On Juliadress: Target
boots: Nic's closet
sleeve: Brain Drops
On me
vest: Target
jewels: Apparently I raided grandmother's jewelry box
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