Sounds like: Angsty lovers passing mix tapes in English Class.

This was after changing on Monday to fit the weather.

So I've been trying to live all "Embrace yourself/finger to the masses". This thinking and this outfit inspired my post today. I've been into a lot of bad music over the years. A LOT. And between the ages of 18-21 it seemed to have peaked. I could blame this on an ex boyfriend but that wouldn't be fair considering I still listen to some of this music every once and a while. I'm slightly embarrassed to write this list but here's a few...
Misfits
The Descendants
Social Distortion
Against Me!
Hot Water Music
The clash
Fifteen
Dropkick Murphy's
NOFX
Bad Religion

Back then, fresh outta mom and pop's, and newly graduated I was in an extremely rebellious stage of my life. Screw it all, get screwed up, screw, screw drivers, bong loads, red bull, jagermeister, fernet, suicide notes....blah blah. It was a blur of red hair, piercings, blond hair, short hair, skunk hair and I was pleasantly plump. I'm very surprised I'm not covered in awful tattoos. I was probably just trying to impress previously mentioned ex boyfriend who was older and "oh so cool". And even though I'm glad it's over, I can't help feeling nostalgic when hearing this music. So obnoxiously raw. So annoying sometimes you want to turn it off immediately but turning it up and forcing yourself to listen make you feel more pumped up and rebellious.
This is still one of my favorite bands. Well around their "Sink Florida Sink" album. Now they're sadly over produced and old. Such is how it ends.


I've never heard of Crass or Jawbreaker until I met Julia. These are for her...

My heart is a drummer

as i am preparing myself to say farewell to my pride again
i remember how it was back then
I see you light a cigarette and then you ask me to pass something i can't understand
i said don't you ever think about cancer?
you said baby you don't know but my heart is as strong as a drummer
you make me feel like apologizing for bein like this
do i have to say I'm sorry for my happiness?
you say it's like love in Graceland.
it's not aloud to be but we know it's every body's favorite.
deep down in a place where music makes you happiest
in the place where my heart is a drummer
in the place where my heart is a drummer
and you call me on the telephone
my fingers will twists through the cord
and I'll slide my feet up and down the wall
but i know that I'm stronger than you are
yes I know that I'm stronger than you are
repeat

Allo Darlin'

Lackluster rolls off the tongue

So my enthusiasm has been waning for this blog as of late. I'm busy I guess. I'm not photogenic and the lack of a good camera makes for disappointing outcomes. But it's still fun. And I will keep it going as long as it pleases me. I probably would've done this outfit with boots, tights, and lots a long gold necklaces had I known it was going to be so grey out and as you may or may not have noticed, the person taking the picture failed to mention my problem in the upper region of my body. Ooops! It was just too chilly out for this outfit! I apologize but as I said, I'm not photogenic and these are the only two pictures that worked. It was sunny and bright this morning! Well at least the colors fit the weather. I would like to bust out with more floral prints and lots of bright colors but the problem is in the closet and in the wallet. I've just acquired such a dark wardrobe over the years. Matches the mood I suppose. I'm challenging myself to break out of that. I want my sleeve....anyone want to lend me a few hundred?
top:target circa 2004
shorts: I just keep cutting these things shorter and shorter. I can't recall their original state or where I bought them for that matter.
vest:f21
specks:liquor store in Sebastopol.
flats:Napa good will

Tunes Tuesday

Doing music once a week. This will all start soon. I think.Last night's outfit was a bust. The pictures were a bust at least. I have none to show. Above is what I wore at six in the morning. Maere was the bees knees last night. So were the Helen Kellers. Fun show. Rough morning.
specks:f21
hair piece:plain ole fabric
lacoste polo: community projects
blazer:wasteland San Fran
shorts:old
tights:target
chucks: circa 2001
bowlers bag: community projects
earrings:cheesy store in Berkley next to Urban Outfitters

Ice cube

As you can tell by the expression on my face, I'm not too excited about this outfit. Or a different one from a previous post. I was going to take it down and not post this one at all but I figured I'd take one for the team. Besides that would seem like cheating. I am using this space to fine tune my look and practice takes perfect. So from here on, awful or not, it's goin up. To give my self a little credit, I put this one together in about 2 minutes and I was drawing a blank and desperate to make this sweater work.

Ever have one of those days where you're just over it all? That was today. It wasn't a total bust. I made some good money at work and acquired some lovely goods from community projects on my small break. But even thrifting was a hassle today! I won't bore you with details. I did have an idea though! It begins with this chick. I don't know her name but she's adorable! I see her everywhere and she walked by my work today. I almost ran out to see if she wanted to be a part of this fashion thing I guess I'm into. I was too busy to do so but it gave me the idea to have guests once a week. Take some pictures and do a small interview type deal. Should be fun. I just wish I had someone who knew what was what with a camera. My skills are more than lacking. We shall see.top:handmade
button up:d's closet
dress:american apparel
white ballet tights: rite aid
tights: target
earrings: good will
clip: target
specks:repeat
shoes:repeat

Hot Chocolate

I love productive days! Productive in the nasty weather at that! I just feel better about myself when I get shit done! And tomorrow should prove to be even busier. I'm not sure what clicked in my head but I seem to be just getting it! I look forward to difficult and busy whereas before it was something I looked upon with dread...I've never been all too interested in cameras having anything to do with film. People have tried to get me into it. Even showed me how to load it. I never paid much mind. That is until my mom gave me my grandmother's old Konica. The thing is close to forty years old! So much fun. There's something about the suspense when waiting to see the end result. It's obviously not the greatest roll to say the least but I'm proud of it. Proud because when he offered to kindly explain a little bit about it, I refused and taught myself. Here's a couple of my favorites. And some others are strewn about my blog here and there. I love gas station hot chocolate
zip up: american apparel outlet
jeans:hydraulic
beanie:wal mart
button up:lost and found
boot's:skeik
specks:f21
leg warmers:mother's old
rings:f21
earrings:my favorite! mervyn's everything must go sale

Ho Hum

I have two pieces I'm dying to wear. The only problem is they're the most unflattering things I own. Generally chunky, thick material doesn't do much for the curvaceous woman. And on top of curvaceous, I'm petite! So the material swallows me...But they were hand made in France specifically for my mother when she was around my age. Now they are mine and sit in my closet untouched. Whatta ta do...?
So I'm having a rather hard time dealing with "the wants" right now and these are some of the biggest tormentors...I'm aware that these suits are all the rage and I could pick one up for $40 anywhere, but I'm on the hunt for legit.

Hello Adulthood. It's nice to meet you.

I pay my own bills. I show up to my job day after day. I clean my apartment. I attempt to cook. I sleep with my fiancee. I lick my own wounds and nurture the ones who need to be nurtured. But today I felt like a small child. And she held my hand. With my eyes wide and dewy and my heart aflutter, I clumsily walked into the sterile halls. I pushed forward wanting to turn around. Wanting the comfort of my never ending childhood. Yearning for the stagnant pool of my stationary life. What if.... what if I fail? After signing up I felt nothing but excitement. I will be a student again. I will learn. I will tenderly inch forward to making something of myself. ANYTHING of myself. Breathe.Today was much different then yesterday, weather wise. But occasionally I like the shallow greys and creeping streams of sunlight. I like a good chill to keep my head up and my muscles tight. Perfect for a reminiscent drive through eucalyptus and tumbling grassy hills. My grandmother swirled through me. Through her camera, her ring, her life now past. I will not waste away in suburbia. Central air. Central heat.But this is all too personal for a public blog...Today was a stir of emotions remembered and predicted and that is all. I love having someone else to play dress up with. The Conk kindly agreed to act as muse for one day. She's photogenic and has this edgy look that's easily softened by her smile. I kiss my fingers and say hail to Ukrainian ladies!On Julia
dress: Target
boots: Nic's closet
sleeve: Brain Drops
On me
vest: Target
jewels: Apparently I raided grandmother's jewelry box

Have a ball!

I am overflowing! This new little project fixes my mood with one turn of the electric gear that is my brain. Apparently I was too busy dressing my ninja turtles in barbie clothes when I was little to realize I'm my own doll! This is the most fun I've had by myself in ages. A month ago I stood hopelessly staring into my closet, ankle deep in tossed aside clothing overwhelmed by it all. I would sigh and say "I cannot go. I simply have NOTHING to wear!" Now I'm surrounded by endless possibilities and am feeling fearless! I'm havin a ball. If only I had another chicky to catch it... I'm off to meet Julia. I'm hoping she'll wanna play with me but we must get down to business before play! I sign up for financial aid today! Most people would find this a burden but it feels like the first day of school already! Can I get a hallelujah?!

Bird cages

I'm so into them. There's just something so delightfully gloomy about an empty bird cage. The store that's sandwiched in between Bloom and Annalien is torture every day.. What's it called? Anyways I want every single one of those little gems in the front window display. I haven't walked in yet for fear of the price tag and out of plain respect for my wallet. One day I will have them all. For aesthetic reasons of course. I covet. Especially the white one that hangs....

Sunny Sunday

I was feelin a bit crafty this morning so I busted out the ole crazy glue in an attempt to salvage some of my favorite things. Fixed some old jewelry I've been missing and then moved on to an old pair of shoes that I adore. They were purchased with these half bead type doohickeys on them and one went M.I.A. on me. I decided this morning to pry off the other one, and crazy glue pieces of some old forgotten earrings to replace them. I nearly sliced off a finger in the process! Luckily some glue residue cauterized the wound for me. Not too much blood. I didn't mind because I was so happy with the outcome of my shoes. They were so lonely at the bottom of my closet! To make a wordy story short, both fell off during the day. *sigh* If at first you don't succeed...blah blah blah...Man it was nice out today! I think this weather has got everyone in a happier mood. The people in my life seem unstoppable right now! I'm enjoying seeing all my loved ones happy and excited for changes to come. Even the ones in my life going through those not-so-nice things are in good spirits.
Big things are coming my way too. Real big. Adult things and I'm glad I've got a good support system. I always have. I even stopped for a minute this afternoon to appreciate all the good I have. Unfortunately dwelling on all the bad makes you blind sometimes and not too grateful. Trying to remember this is important and often difficult. I am satisfied with today.
sunglasses: high school buy
button up: D's closet. Found in high school drama class
skirt: thrift find:
tights: Target
shoes:Michael Antonio via Annex in Vallejo Ca.
earrings: grandmother's old, gift.
heart necklace: Sway, Berkley Ca, gift
flower necklace: grandmother's old, gift.
belt:old

Sneeze

Finally went on my hike. Nothing strenuous of course but the sun was shinin, the bees were buzzin, and my allergies were in full bloom. We picked up Remy first because the poor dear is lonely and headed out. It was beautiful to say the least. And nice to finally be out doors while my thoughts turned inward. I am all about this new mental mindset. Positive is the way for sure! It's tougher than it sounds when you've lived the entirety of your young years as a pessimist. But breezy heat, wildflowers, a little Aussie pup and a hand to hold obviously helps.I'm really diggin on this whole fashion type thing I've been falling into. I'm really trying to hone in on my look. Boring to most I'm sure but it's something I can do for just me. My own pointless, precious little side project to look forward to during down time. Why not? Practicing and experimenting is where the fun's at and this blog is the perfect way to see the end result. It's easy to view and take mental notes and see where I need improvement. And I need much! But that's where this all comes in. It would be nice to have some other inspiration though. A model perhaps. Julia? I dunno... but I am the opposite of photogenic nor will I ever claim to know what I'm doing with a camera in my hands. It's just a sweet little way to let your creativity ebb and flow! And clothes don't seem to fall as gracefully on me as they do others any how. This is not self stunting. Just factual.
These past two weeks I've been trying with all my might to treat myself the way I would a daughter or a childhood friend. With some respect and all the praise I deserve. I'm all in to "I am woman hear me roar!" right now. I'm reading The Red Tent for the third time and I believe I'm truly getting it this go around. There's goddesses galore, palm trees, the bonding of mother, sister, daughter, kin, a little girl coming of age and all that pretty stuff. There's also biblical circumcision, death, suicide, abortion, betrayal and murder. I eat it up. The love of the poor girl's life is brutally murdered by her own brother with an axe directly on top of her. She wakes to find she's nearly choking to death on the waisted blood of her lover. With a serpent's tongue she curses her entire family for the sins they've committed and moves on to live a happy little life by the Nile. Fucking go girl. These women plopped out kids standing on fucking bricks and more often then not died from it. And here I sit sipping iced wine wishing I could afford a pedicure. Gaining a little perspective from time to time is damn healthy...skirt: Thrift find
blouse: Urban Ore
specks: Stolen from dude
chuck T's: Macy's 2000
belt: Wet Seal
leg warmers: (mother's old)
Polaroids are finicky so alas I settle for the deformed arm look. More pics later from film.
Excited for tomorrow. Feelin creative about my fit. Just wish I had someone to wear it for me. I want these...